Parenthood

You know, there’s this thing called parenthood; what does it mean?
Is it subjecting the child to your will? Or being an example?

There are some people in my life that I would call “bad parents”. Just like the Supreme Court, I can’t quantify it, tell you what it is, but I know it when I see it. I think that parenting means to get the child to do what you want him to without letting him know that you are coercing him to do your will instead of his own.
For example, as a kid, I remember one time when my dad wanted me to do something that I of course did not want to do, he ended up saying, “because I’m the dad”. Then my preadolescent mind starts churning: who made him the dad anyway? Where’s the book on parenting? Here I am now, 15 years later, I still haven’t found that book.

I didn’t think that newborns were parentable; however, they are. Over the course of the last two months Eliza and I have read three books almost, about sleeping. Apparently, children need to be on a three hour sleep, eat, play schedule. This is not their natural habit, but it produces the most happy and well rested and well fed children. Our nights have pretty much been miserable for the last 3 1/2 months, but now, we’re finally seeing some results. Hallelujah! Last night, he put himself to sleep almost, without forcing us to go in there and rocking him to sleep for 20+ minutes. When he knows that neither one of us is going to go in there and help them get back to sleep he is able to learn how to do it on its own. I know adults that have trouble putting themselves back to sleep, even now. Did their parents not train them correctly as a child? That means I have a good chance of really messing my kid up.
Pressure.

Thankfully, actually have a job interview on Monday. It’s with some kind of cool, Department of Defense contracting company, where everything is secret and I can’t tell anyone about what I do for a job, maybe. It’s a panel interview, so it will be tough, but I think that if I get everything ready beforehand and study what I should know then it should be okay. I don’t know the details or anything else yet really; but, I’ll let y’all know, if anything good happens. Oh yeah, it’s in Seaside (near Monterey).

And that dear friends, is the Saturday update.

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8 thoughts on “Parenthood

  1. I completely disagree with you on the sleep thing. I really, truly believe that they cry because they NEED to be held and nursed that much. And Will and Ben both sleep very well, and have never had any issues. But, like you say, there’s really no book on parenting, and everyone just has to do what they think is best for their kids.
    Good luck on the job interview! Seaside is beautiful! Would you guys move over the hill, or would you commute? I hope you’re not getting a job that helps make bombs. Killing people is bad for you. Maybe you could be the cool techie guy who helps with the spy missions to avoid global catastrophe. That would be awesome!

  2. I’m with Colleen. Sorry. I was waiting for her to comment before I did, so I wouldn’t be alone. LOL! Also, her idea for your new job is totally sweet. Work on that.

  3. I don’t want you to feel picked on about the sleeping thing. I would prefer to do it the way Colleen and I are doing it, but if it wasn’t working, I’d try something else. I think that every kid is different, and some systems will work for some kids and not for others. I’m glad that you’re finally getting some sleep.
    Yeah, parenting is hard. I think as long as you’re trying, and love them, they can’t turn out too bad. I mean, none of us have perfect parents, and we all turned out pretty well. I mean, Colleen had a terrible childhood, and I think she turned out…pretty good, I guess .

  4. There is a book, well a canonized collection anyway. Although sometimes it seems a bit cliche to use them for everything, that is what they were designed for; everything. It may not have the step-by-step of do this and do that, but it does have an example of a really good parent. One might even say a parent? The role of a parent is to help a child grow through love. Sometimes the child may not understand the actions of the parent, but that is parenting. As long as the parent does that best that they know how to do for their child then they are a good parent. Well, my thoughts anyway.
    Don’t worry dude; if your kids turns wussy, I’ll be the cool uncle that fixes him.

  5. My response to Colleen, Amanda and Scott. I was doing it that way. I would go in and nurse him or hold him and rock him back to sleep every single time he woke up. I am not a fan of the “cry it out” method, I never let him cry more than 5 minutes straight in his entire life. But when he was waking up every single hour after 2 am for several weeks straight, I just could not take it any more. At 4 months old he couldn’t possibly need to nurse every single hour, and when he is I don’t have enough milk to satisfy him anyway. I am happy that your children sleep well, and in doing the same thing you were I am not sure why mine wasn’t. My sanity and being a happy mother is worth something, so we were looking into just about every possibly way we could help him and in helping him it would help me. When rocking him wasn’t working and we had both tried from 2:45 until 5 am we finally said enough was enough, loved him and put him back in his crib. He cried for 45 minutes – not hard, just fussy. He has slept better ever since and last night he slept straight through the night without waking up at all. So I don’t know what it is you are all against… but we haven’t done anything mean to him at all! We are ALL happier after putting him on a schedule that is working. If the shoe was on the other foot you would try anything too.

  6. As a mother fo a baby…putting Adam on a schedule was the best thing for all of us. He’s a lot happier when he’s had a good night’s sleep. As a young baby, he woke up several times a night and didn’t take good naps either. When I finally decided to firm yet loving (rock and nurse them kiss him and put him down) he learned very quickly (within a few days) to put himself to sleep and it’s been wonderful ever since. He sleeps all night – only “cried it out” a few times at the beginning – and takes good naps and it a cheerful delight to everyone around when he’s awake.
    I am SO glad for you, Brent and Eliza, that sleeping has ceased to be a struggle in your home. And I agree with AngryToaster about the perfect parenting book. Liken it unto yourself, and find all the parenting parallels you can, and you’ll do as well as Grandma Eddington did…and we all know that’s a high standard to reach…11 children, all grown to be happy, stable, temple-worthy, good citicens, etc. You can do it!

  7. I’m VERY sorry that my comment came across the way it did. I did not mean to insinuate that you were bad parents, just that I preferred different methods. I think the biggest diference is that we have our babies sleep in bed with us–I didn’t mention it above, because you guys know that’s what we do, and it seems to make people uncomfortable when I talk about it. I also realize that you guys went months with no sleep, which isn’t good for you or him. I think you’re wonderful parents, and that every parenting decision you’ve made has been out of love. Please don’t be hurt–I’m so sorry that my comment made you feel that way. I also agree with you about trying anything if we had the same struggles as you; thankfully, that hasn’t occurred!

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